I've lost 85 pounds in just under two years and in the last few months I've really dived head first into exercising. What I've noticed is this incredible connection between moving your body and then having this need, hunger if you will, to feed it good, nourishing, nutritious foods. It's like your body begs for quality food after you sweat your brains out for an hour at your CrossFit gym. So I decided to give the Whole30 a try. I had some friends who had successfully completed it, and my aforementioned CrossFit gym was doing a clean eating challenge and thus the stars aligned.
I began the Whole30 almost two weeks ago and immediately felt the effects. Literally the day before I started the program I lamented on Facebook about how dang tired I was. I believe I even used the phrase "delusional tired." Within days of starting Whole30 I had so much energy I actually felt manic. I had the energy to get up on time, work a full day, put in a hard workout, and come home and grade papers or cook or other things I enjoy doing (like watching Jeopardy).
Because you're eating whole foods there's a lot of cooking involved. I mean a lot. I was accustomed to spending a chunk of time on Sunday afternoons prepping my lunches for the week. On Whole30 I have to do the same for my breakfasts, since I can't grab a Greek yogurt and run out the door (no sugar, no dairy). I've been pretty creative with my dinners and I've learned to eat eggs for breakfast all.the. time. For my lunches I like to have some veggies and something to dip them in. Prior to Whole30 it was hummus. Hummus is out on Whole30 (no legumes), so I had to come up with a Plan B. Last week that was baba ganoush. Which was good. But I got baba ganoushed out. I hit a wall and I literally could not put one more bite of roasted eggplant puree into my mouth and swallow. So I began dreaming about ranch dip. Which is so strange because I haven't had bottled ranch in something like over a year. And this began my Mount Everest climb to make my own mayonnaise.
When I tackle a project I like to research the possibilities endlessly. I can spend days looking up various ways to do something probably because I like to understand it on an intellectual level. So I spent the better part of an evening looking at recipes for mayo and watching YouTube videos of everyone from Alton Brown to Jaime Oliver to a little old British lady in a witch hat who calls herself the "Saucerous". One of my favorite foodie blogs said "all you have to do is put the ingredients in a mason jar, stick in an immersion blender, and in seconds you have mayo!" That was my attempt number one. And it failed miserably. So I tried again, and failed again. And then I got mad. Like really offended that I couldn't get an egg and oil to play nice. I tried an immersion blender, which I ended up killing (it sparked and smoked. RIP Immersion Blender). I tried a regular blender, no luck. I tried using a whisk, no luck. My last resort was to go and use my sister's Vitamix. And then I complained to Facebook and received a lot of encouragement and advice. I watched a few more YouTube videos, I girded up my loins and I set out one last time to make mayonnaise (who am I kidding, I probably would have kept going until there were no more eggs or oil left to be found).
This is the part you have all been waiting for: my recipe and tips and tricks. I will be the first to tell you that this was probably sheer luck. I blended (puns?) a few recipes together to come up with this version, and I think it turned out super thick and really tasty. So here we go:
Ingredients:
*3 egg yolks, room temp
*1 teaspoon-ish Dijon mustard (if you're doing Whole30 or eliminating sugar make sure you read labels carefully. Our old stand-by Grey Poupon has both wine and sugar in it, which is non compliant. I found an organic Dijon that was wine and sugar free)
*pinch-ish of salt (Alton Brown says not to use kosher salt, the granules are too big to act as an abrasive. I don't understand it, but I trust him)
*1 cup-ish LIGHT olive oil (don't use extra virgin, it's way too strong. If you're not worried about Whole30 feel free to use any light tasting oil like canola or vegetable)
*lemon juice to taste
I put the yolks, mustard and salt into a bowl and started beating it with my hand mixer. Just my little cheap hand mixer from Target! Not even my fancy pants Kitchenaid! I mixed this until it started to get a little thick and the yolks got a little lighter in color. Maybe a minute or two. Then I started adding the oil. And when I tell you I added it a drop at a time I'm not exaggerating. I love me a good hyperbole, but this is not a hyperbole. I think this is where I went wrong in the other 6 attempts -- I added the oil too quickly (they all say to add it in a thin stream but they lie. It's all lies. DROPS not STREAMS here). I would add a drop and then mix mix mix. Add a drop and mix mix mix. I got a little downtrodden because I didn't think it was getting thicker and then magically it did! It started ribboning out of the mixer beaters and I began crying tears of joy. I thought: this might actually happen!! At some point when I starts to get thicker, word on the street is you can add the oil in more of a thin stream. I didn't trust myself, or my emulsion, so I stuck with the drops. And it took me nearly 30 minutes to make the mayo. Once your oil is all in/you like your consistency, add in the juice of a lemon and mix again. And tah-daaaaaa! You have homemade Whole30 and paleo mayo!
This beautiful nectar of the gods was quickly turned into chicken salad and ranch dip. Ranch dip was mayo, garlic, fresh chives, fresh dill, dried parsley, salt, pepper and unsweetened coconut milk to thin it out (you could use regular milk or even buttermilk to thin it out, but no dairy on Whole30. And you can't taste coconut at all in the unsweetened coconut milk, I swear!). So stinking good!
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